Anxiety

I don’t remember Mom or Dad being anxious.

I am anxious most of the time.

It’s not about anything in particular.

It seems to be a general state.

What should I be doing now? 

Did I already eat lunch?

Should I know that person?

The list goes on …..

Losing

As I was falling asleep last night and bemoaning the journey of losing my mom to Alzheimer’s, I realized something. I am getting time to morn. I get the time to say goodbye and witness each wonderful piece leaving. I get to watch the beauty of each part of my mom and say goodbye to each in turn.

I know

I know I am going to lose my mom to Alzheimers. I am going to lose my best friend. Someday, I will lose me too. Just as Mom lost Grandma and Gramps. By 36, you would think I had grasped this. I can’t believe I will lose her. I try to let go with each thing she forgets, but I don’t see her forgetting. I still see Mom.